For
me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper
and elegant. It doesn’t have faults, it is perfect.
Pianists are the most perfectionist people in the
world. They should not and can not make mistakes especially
when performing. That is how I viewed the piano and
the pianists. But then, I just found out I was wrong.
A few researches and I have once again proven that
appearances can be deceiving.
The
pianists we see play appear to be the most formal
and respectable stars on the stage. They hold the
power and the breath of the audiences. They could
look intimidating in their formal suits not to mention
the authority and the air of arrogance they exude
while on stage. They can be captivating.
But
before we forget, these pianists are also human. And
humans do make mistakes. Most of these mistakes can
be frustrating and depressing. But then, there are
also mistakes that are amusing and could also be totally
hilarious. It shows how fun could be inserted even
in the most seemingly stuffy and proper event.
Here
are some examples:
When
asked for their definition of a piano, some famous
musicians and musical enthusiasts have some famous
replies:
·
For David W. Barber (The Musician’s Dictionary),
a piano is a cumbersome piece of furniture found
in many homes, where playing it ensures the early
departure of unwanted guests.
·
Piano (n.) is a parlor utensil for subduing the
impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing
the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience,
according to Ambrose Bierce, an American journalist
(The Devil’s Dictionary).
·
A piano tuner is a person employed to come into
the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the
cat. The tuner’s chief purpose is to ascertain
the breaking point of the piano’s strings.
Though
these definitions may sound humorous, you can never
miss the ironies in it. Coming from people who live
and breathe the piano, these definitions seem odd.
Here’s
more – when asked about their secrets in playing,
you would certainly be surprised at how simple their
secrets can be, and definitely applicable.
·
Australian pianist Artur Schnabel said, “I
always make sure that the lid over the keyboard
is open before I start to play”.
·
“Nothing soothes me more after a long and
maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to
sit and have my teeth drilled”, said George
Bernard Shaw, a writer and a music critic.
I definitely agree
with Artur Schnabel’s top secret! I wonder why
George found it relaxing to have his teeth drilled
after hearing the pianoforte recitals. Check out more
of the piano’s funny side:
·
Bob Hope, an American comedian commented on fellow
comedian Phyllis Diller on her playing the piano:
“When she started to play, Steinway himself
came down personally and rubbed his name off the
piano.”
·
A band teacher recalled the title of the song “Claire
de Lune” played by a student as “Claire
de Loonie”.
·
The audiences at a piano recital were appalled when
a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing
a note, the soloist glanced toward the wings and
called, “If that’s my agent, tell him
I’m working!”
Now,
let’s check out some famous questions and answers
in the funny world of piano:
·
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine
shaft? A flat minor
·
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army
base? A flat major
·
Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio
upright? Because is makes a much bigger kaboom when
dropped over a cliff.
·
Why was the piano invented? So that the musician
would have a place to put his beer.
·
Why did they say that the pianist had fingers like
lightning? They never struck the same place twice.
·
What did they find when they dug up Beethoven’s
grave? He was decomposing.
·
Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because they always
ran around going, “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
·
Imagine a singer, a piano player, a bass player
and a drummer sitting around the table. Now if you
drop a hundred-dollar bill right in the middle and
tell them they’re free to take it, who’s
getting it? The piano player. Because the bass player
is too slow, for the winger it’s too little
money and the drummer didn’t get the assignment.
Now
that we’ve seen the humor under they keyboards,
the piano and the pianists are not as elusive as they
seem to be. It is just like discovering a new type
of music. The piano and the pianist can take not just
the breath out of the audiences but also the laughter
as they present not only fine music but terrific humor
as well. Having fun is what life is all about.
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